


Fix You

by bluscrlt



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8065861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluscrlt/pseuds/bluscrlt
Summary: Minho, a bright young painter living up his dream to be a well-known artist. Seunghoon, a former soon-to-be principal dancer gave up his dream due to an incident.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired mainly from MUSE - Dead Inside (song+MV) and partially from So You Think You Can Dance Season 7 - Fix You (by Coldplay), a dance routine by Travis Wall performed by Robert Roldan and Allison Holker
> 
> Many apologies for inaccuracies that might occur in the story.  
>  Cross-posted from [WINderland](http://win-derland.livejournal.com/12756.html).  
>  The prompt is mine and I have this storyline in mind for quite sometime. The ending is not particularly what I have in mind, quite messy, but I hope people still can get the essence of the story.

\-----  
  
His first painting exhibition was one of the most important night in his life.

Minho’s first solo exhibition night was one of the biggest milestones during his lifetime. That night was not only marked his first step to become a professional artist, but also the night that changed his whole life afterward. The exhibition was a big success, with many casual people coming as well as important people in the business. Several journalists specialized in art pointed many good points about his art pieces, and he got positive feedbacks from several art critics who had conversed with him. Minho observed all the people who had came. Old, young, male, female, adult, teenager, and even some children could be spotted walking around the hall with pleased expression on their face. After all the hard works of working his art, all the time he took to reassure hosts, and all the anxiousness of how it would be received by professionals and general visitors, Minho finally could have a hope of what the future offered to him.

The sales were not bad. Collectors and critics loved it to the point of wanting it in their house, and gallery representative told him that museum staff was asking about his works. At the end of the day turned out that the museum manager had taken a liking into some of his works and even decided to buy it for museum collection and for gallery display since the gallery was in association with the museum. One of his painting, titled “Butterfly’s Sleep”, would be presented in the gallery. It was one of his favorite work, and that night, for the first time he submitted his beauty piece for public’s eye to enjoy. And it was that night too he was being presented with a stunning beauty who seemed to be absorbed in his art piece.

He was lean and tall, with a pale skin, brunette hair, and prominent cheekbones in contrast with his chubby cheeks. He wore ivory wool sweater on top of his light grey long sleeve shirt, combined with ripped light blue jeans, pink belt, blue sneakers, and green shocks. His fingers were thin, but not as long as people would guess if they were to judge from his long body. In spite of his height he actually had a boyish facial feature. One thing that fascinated Minho the most was his gracefulness. There was something about him, his posture. The way he stood with elegance, the way he moved gracefully, Minho was so enthralled with his beauty as that beautiful young man looked captivated with the painting.

Minho couldn't help but approached the young man. He seemed so deep in his world for he did not realized that Minho was already standing beside him. Minho took his time to drink in his beauty close up. He had a defined jaw line, there was a tiny mole on the side of his face close to his left ear, his skin was looking smooth and that pretty small lips looked inviting with the man occasionally biting his lower lips. Minho swore all he wanted to do at the moment was to caress that cheek and kissed that pink lips all night, down to his long neck and nuzzled at that prominent collar bone. Nothing more delightful than having a beauty admiring your creation, and that was exactly how Minho felt at the moment.

"I see you've been looking at this painting for some time."

He turned to look at Minho with a surprised expression on his face. "Oh, Hello. Yes, I think I don't realize I've been standing here for some time." He answered with smile."I really love this piece. The painter is such a genius for capturing all emotions perfectly. But this one piece is my favorite of them all."

Minho couldn't help but feel prideful when he heard what the man said. "This one is s bit, well, romantic. It feels bitter sweet isn't it?"

"Yes. Bittersweet, longing, hopeful, dreams, life, fallen, hurt, numbness. It can depict the past or the future. Depends on how you see it." He looked serene as he said it. He turned again to Minho and offered his hand. "By the way, it's Lee Seunghoon. Nice to see you.”

Minho took the hand on his own and smiled to him in return. "I'm Song Minho. Nice to see you too Seunghoon-ssi."

For the second time a surprised expression adorned his face. "Oh my God. You're the painter!" And then he laughed that melodious laugh."Ah, just call me Seunghoon."

Minho couldn't help but laugh with him. "And please call me Minho." He said with his hand still wrapped around Seunghoon's smaller hand. "So, tell me Seunghoon. Do you another plan for tonight?"

"Well, not really. Do you?"

"My exhibition has come to its end and this night is still quite young. I think maybe you won't mind if I'm asking you to accompany me to the after-party? You seem like someone who appreciates art and the beautiful meaning behind it."

He laughed again. "Do you think so?" He slightly tilted his head while biting his lower lips.

That gesture made Minho wanted to ravish him right on the spot."Not everyone can have a perceptive thought about art work, even those who call themselves esthete. But you, you described it in a deeper way, almost empathetic. I wonder if it's because your ability to see through my art, or was it you perceiving your own self."

"You're a genius indeed." Seunghoon moved closer, with both their hand still entangled all the time they were talking. "I do believe that the way you'll be able to convey the essence of your art is by being honest, passionate, and importantly, you’re happy with yourself. We can't live our life at its fullest when we're not being whole and in order to become whole we need to be happy. This," he said as he gestured using his free hand, "is the thing that makes you the happiest right? Makes you feel accomplished, alive, isn’t it?”

Their body closes to each other. Seunghoon was slightly taller than him. Minho could smell the perfume he wore, Versace for Women. He smiled at this revelation. “You’re right, they’re like my children. No matter how hard it is to produce these babies, from the birth till the end I do feel my passion getting more immense. And at time like this I feel the most alive.” His breath ghosted over Seunghoon face. “Turned out I was both right and wrong.”

“About what, hmm?”

“I was right. You appreciate art, you indulge in its essence.”

“And then you’re wrong about…?”

“I was wrong about you perceive it. That makes it coming back to point number one.”

“And where does it bring us exactly?”

Minho smiled at this. “It brings us back to my invitation. Accompany me to the after-party.”

Seunghoon laughed at this. “But I’m just an admirer. I won’t be able to keep up with the artistic conversation or the trend in artistic world nowadays. I really don’t want to turn down your offer but I don’t think I will fit in the party.”

“Who said we will have to mingle with them?” Minho asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

Seunghoon was perplexed by his statement. “You said you invite me to after party, no?”

It was Minho’s turn to laugh. “I’ve done a gala with the important ones. The after party is just a commemoration and I don’t really have to be present. In exchange, I think I’m going to have a private after-party and I want to invite you personally for coming with me. Either way it will be boring as hell just me alone on my after-party.” Minho brought his other hand to Seunghoon’s waist.

“Please do tell me Minho-ssi, are you flirting with me? We just met less than half an hour ago and you already inviting me to your place.” Seunghoon asked softly as he put his free hand on Minho’s shoulder. All the time they were conversing not a second they released their hand that were initially doing handshake, and at the moment they already clung to each other.

“If I tell you I’m just fascinated by you would you believe it?” Minho laid his forehead against Seunghoon. “I’m not doing this for some quick fun if that’s what you mean. I still have the courtesy in me for asking you if I’m allowed to hope.”

Seunghoon leaned on Minho, looking at his eyes, searching. He was quiet for some time before finally gave his answer. “Very well, Song Minho. You may have hope.”

Seunghoon whispered those words softly, barely touching Minho’s lips. And Minho, being presented with the beauty he had been longing for the night, did not waste his time to lock his lips on Seunghoon’s inviting one in along, intense kiss. The night was still young after all and they still had the rest of it for their journey to begin.

\-----

They were simply attached to each other since that faithful night.

Seunghoon worked as an in-house fashion designer for a fashion brand. Both his and Minho's interest was pretty much the same since both were involved in visual art. The first night they spent together was mainly involving favourite brands, designers, and music artists. Had Seunghoon handled his liquor well, there would be some wine included. In the end Minho decided to limit his alcohol intake because it would be against his courteous intention if he lost his tact and scared Seunghoon away on what could be considered as their first date. And frankly enough, despite Minho being sexually attracted to Seunghoon at the first sight, they ended that night sleeping on different bed on a different room. Minho asked Seunghoon to sleep in his flat since it was snowing outside, perfect chance to keep the man of his interest under his roof.

Their meeting became a routine. Minho favourite workplace beside his flat was a workshop on the first story of the café near the museum, which was only less than 10 minutes from his place. Boutique where Seunghoon worked was located on the other side of the museum, about 5 minutes walking time. The situation extremely benefited them both, and on Minho’s case, it gave him extra incentive because Seunghoon’s place could be reached around 15 minutes by bus. Seunghoon often gladly received his offers to stay at his place, especially when the weather was too harsh or it was already too late at night, much to his pleasure. Because night was the time they mostly see each other, the price for their successful careers.

When Seunghoon’s belonging slowly took place in Minho’s flat as if it was originally belongs there had Minho realized that Seunghoon was pretty much a habitant in his house. Someone belongs there. Someone close, someone who already became a part of him, eventually, automatically, that he did not need a reminder. Like air, food, or water. Like breathing or eating, it was natural to expect that Seunghoon would be coming home. And it was so natural for Minho to think that Seunghoon would be coming for him, to his house, to his bed. It was only his initial promise that got in his way, and the fact that despite regularly seeing each other they never actually romancing each other, let alone talked about sex.

It was during one of his break when Minho by chance managed to get information about Seunghoon’s rent that would be expired at the end of the month, much to Minho’s delight. It was one of another important day for Minho, for he finally had been able to call him “his” and regarded them as “us”.

“Why still bother to correspondence? You have this place."Minho lightly asked Seunghoon on one particular evening.

"Hmm?" Seunghoon only hummed without actually taking his eyes off of his notebook's screen.

"Hey."He drew his fingers on Seunghoon face, softly caressing his cheek before coaxing Seunghoon to face him.

Seunghoon laughed a little as he faced him. "I spend most time sleeping here and I didn't pay attention to my rent. I need to fix it with the landlord before they kick me out."

"Does it matter?"

"Why I get this impression that you want me to be homeless?"

"Maybe I really am, so I can have more reason to keep you here."

"Apologize for being a free loader. You're far too kind for letting me crash at yours and I never repay you for this kindness."

"I have no interest in repayment. I believe it's only an act of propriety in which people keep maintained to achieve a certain spot on society."

Seunghoon tilted his head, leaned even more into Minho's touch. "But I don't wish to find myself a certain place in society for an act. At least I want to give back enough kindness, if not more, to a kind gentleman who gives me a kind treatment during those unkindly times."

Sound of notification was heard from Seunghoon's notebook, much to Minho dismay, as Seunghoon turned away from his touch. "Just leave it. Maybe it's just your landlord saying that he is very sorry there's already someone makes an inquiry for the flat during your absence."

Seunghoon raised his eyebrows to Minho. "And how would you know about that?"

"Isn't that what most owners do? Giving a limited option to people in order to raise the bid price?"

"That's a tacit understanding. But how would you have the knowledge of the inquiry." Seunghoon paused for a moment. "Unless you were the one filed for rental inquiries?"

Minho grinned at him. "Why would I? I already have this amazing place near the workshop and the museum. Yours is much more suitable for a banker."

Seunghoon leaned across Minho and fully face him. "Interesting. The landlord told me the one who inquired for my flat is a banker."

"What a coincidence! Well, don't you think that the poor banker needs it more than you do? It must be troublesome for a banker to look for a place near his workplace. I think you should give up your flat to him and give yourself a chance for a fancy flat near your workplace."

"You think so?" He asked looking innocent.

"Definitely."

"You sure are one hell of a quick-witted man, aren't you? So you did sabotage my tenancy agreement only to have me stay. I'm quite flattered."

"I just think that maybe it's time to materialize the kiss we had month ago. And I want your stay to be more of just sleepover at friend. I want to be more than friend, and I know it's not something too impossible for you because it would be a big fat lie if you said you were not interested." Minho said matter-of-factly.

Seunghoon was stunned upon hearing what Minho had said. He smiled fondly at Minho. "Dear God, you're such an amazing person Song Minho. What have I done in my precious life to have someone like you interested in me?" He asked with little laugh. "Fine then. It will be too cruel to make the busy banker spend more time to search for a perfect flat anyway. I'd better give it up and move in here permanently."

Minho's eyes gleamed mischievously at the answer. "So you're going to stay resident here is only a repercussions of an act of charity towards the banker? I feel downhearted."

Seunghoon laughed that melodious laugh Minho loves so much. He advanced towards Minho and placed his hand on Minho's thigh which made Minho inwardly screamed of joy. "You need a reason to keep me here remember?"

"I did say I want to be more than a friend though." Minho's face got closer to Seunghoon. He placed his fingers under Seunghoon's chin, lifting his face. "And I want to kiss you again. I've waited too long after our first kiss."

Hot breath grazed his face and Seunghoon did not wait any longer to close the gap between them. He responded to Minho's permission and locked his lips to the hungry ones longing for him. As Minho had said, it would be a big fat lie if Seunghoon said he did not want this because he wanted this as much as Minho. They were always attracted to each other since the first time they met. There was something, something which could not be pinpointed bound them to each other. Minho motive was always clearer, but Seunghoon was more neutral. He received Minho's attention well but never pushed any further or initiated moves. That was one of the reason his approval was important to Minho. The moment Seunghoon made clear he opened himself, Minho made sure to take all of him fully into his.

\-----

Life was all the same yet different at the same time. Minho had been on relationships before, but never he had his previous partners stay resident in his place. Furthermore, he never even had neither the decency nor the patience to court someone, let alone asked for permission and waited for approval. When he felt like he got his eyes on someone, he would bluntly ask. It was simply “take it or leave it”. He was not the type to commit into a complicated relationship either. Too many differences which lead to too many arguments for his standards were a cue that he had to put to an end whatever he had with his partner. And the most important thing was he did not want the partner who would hinder his creativity or affect his work in any undesirable ways.

With Seunghoon was no different. Or so he thought. Their dynamic actually was great, thanks to their almost matching schedule they barely had time with each other during 24 hours. Midnight dinner was the utmost routine they could manage, and sometimes they would go straight to sex. Lack of meeting time also made them barely got in to arguments, something that Minho could not decide whether to be grateful or not because it felt a bit weird to have his life chill and relaxed. But that did not mean that they never had different desire, because there were times when they did push and pull towards each other. Something Minho thought Seunghoon was great at.

...

_“I got an invitation to gala dinner by one the curator. Come with me.”_

_“I’m so sorry but I’m on deadline.”_

_..._

_“Your Busan Bienalle is close right? There will be charity ball as usual. Come accompany me.”_

_“I would love to. But I don’t think I can blend in to the world of esthetes and socialites. I’m going to donate though.”_

_“You don’t really have to socialize with people you don’t want. Just keep me company while I’m in your hometown.”_

_“But I always keep you company, even in a foreign land, aren’t I? Besides, don’t you think it will be a better idea if I accompany you after your schedule, just the two of us? I will personally escort you to wonderful places in Busan.”_

_..._

_“Your not really on tight schedule at this moment., so I assume you will have time to come to my after party later?”_

_“I will go to your show, but you know I’m not really a party person.”_

_“How can my lover not come to my celebration? I just need you to stand by me and share the great moment with me.”_

_“You’re an artist. I believe greatest moment for an artist is when people acknowledge your works and appreciate it. I’d rather give you that privilege to celebrate than standing with you under spotlight with a different reason of celebration.”_

_“I know no one would ever honor my art pieces as much as you do. It’s just that I want to share the fun with you too. And maybe the selfish side of me wants to show off what a great partner I have in my life.”_

_“Why I seethat you want to share me with others? I thought you want me all to yourself?”_

_“I want to share you with them but not in that sense! I just want to show them where is part of my inspiration coming from. I want to show the world my muse.”_

_“Oh Minho, I don’t need those recognition by people. I don’t care about their notion nor do I want to know. It’s yours that more important to me and all we need is an after party for ourselves. It’s your favorite party too, right?”_  
  
...

Seunghoon always declined. No matter what the type of the party or social gathering, he would always find a sweet-clever-words to decline and Minho always ended up buying it. They had their trip, vacation, shopping, and he even attended his exhibition abroad, but never Seunghoon had accompanied him in public gathering regarding to his work. Sometimes it made Minho thought if Seunghoon felt ashamed of him or if their relationship was actually an affair. Of course the second suspicion was very much doubtful because there was no way people with an affair would stay on his lover place, unless he spent his days with his rightful partner.

“Are you ashamed with me?” Minho asked one day.

“What?”

“You never want to appear in public with me.”

Seunghoon baffled at this statement. “Minho it’s not like that. There’s no way I will ever feel ashamed with you. And it’s absolutely not the case of why I never come to your invitation.”

“What’s the case then?” He looked attentively at Seunghoon, who looked a bit troubled upon hearing his question. He did not usually look troubled. He always spoke the right words immediately.

“You know I’m not really a party person. I can’t even have a drop of liquor inside my system.”

Minho breathed out exasperatedly. “Nobody asked you to go wild and get drunk. I only want you to accompany me, to stand by my side as a couple. But it seems like you always find your way not to come with me.”

“It’s nothing personal Minho, I just don’t feel like I’m going to party. And I don’t really know the people, I would feel left out.”

“Really? Are you sure you’re being with me is not an affair for you?” Minho could not help but shot the question.

Seunghoon was taken aback by Minho blunt question. For a moment he only stood there stunned. “Is that what you think all this time? You think I’m unfaithful because I always turn down party offers? Isn't it usually the otherwise that tend to happens don't you think?"

Minho immediately regretted his impulse as he saw his lover looked a bit down at his petty accusations. He ran a hand over his face in dissatisfaction. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I don't mean to accuse you or trying to pick a fight. It's just that I'm kinda annoyed because you're never around with me. People were there to commemorate my works but the most significant person is not even present. Who cares if people praise you when your closest person doesn’t? It feels empty."

"You're being unreasonable Minho." Seunghoon told him in a quiet voice.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't using my head when I said it." He came closer to Seunghoon and tried to embrace him but Seunghoon keep Minho at an arm length.

"Look, our workplace is very close. You're always welcome to come over to ensure if I were present or if I were with someone." Minho nodded and tried to move closer but Seunghoon put his hands on Minho arms to hold him in place. "Secondly, I'm going to attend your next gala, party, gathering, whatsoever, if that will make you happy thus confirming your trust issue on me. Lastly, I never complain when you go to your regular partying and gathering. I never question you with whom you drink with. And I never once doubt your commitment when you’re out having fun with your friends, so I'm begging you, please don't question mine. Just because I never keep up with your lifestyle doesn't mean I don't have your best interest at heart."

Minho was speechless. Seunghoon was always an ideal lover someone could dream of. He was smart, supportive, and understanding. He was also very wise and that was the reason they rarely got into much heated arguments. He always found a way to prevent further conflicts between them as he was more of a cold headed one, even if sometimes Minho viewed him a bit reserved and collected. There was something behind those bright eyes and sunshine personality. Something Seunghoon kept for himself, unwilling to share with others, even with him. Sometime Minho wished he would trust him enough to share his story, but at the same time, he was afraid if it was something he could not have enough strength to handle.All he could do was only praying that whatever it was, it would not change anything between them in a bad way.

And so he embraced him, and kissed him dearly. Trying to channel his deepest feeling to the man he adored so much, wishing he would understand him and his fear. It was the first time in his short existence Song Minho experienced what they called hopelessly in love.

\-----

First time Minho saw the letter was around one month ago. Wrapped in glossy ivory envelope with a lace cut that looked like an ‘S’ symbol and tied with a satin ribbon. The letter looked classy and expensive, like some kind of invitation to a high end event. He did not remember if he ever received letter with that symbol, but assuming from its form, it looked like a gala or exhibition invitation. He took a peek at the letter which was laid on the coffee table and he saw Seunghoon’s name in the invited column. Curious, he picked it and started unwrapping before suddenly a hand had caught on his wrist before he could proceed any further.

“There was a voice message for you earlier, it’s from the Germans curator representative if I’m not mistaken. Have you checked on it?” Seunghoon gently held Minho’s wrist.

Minho scrunched his face in confusion. “But I thought they would make a call tomorrow.”

“Maybe by tomorrow they mean it by their time zone. Their last call was at 7 am right? It’s still the previous day in Berlin. Now it’s 11 pm here they are already on their next day compared to their previous call.” Seunghoon explained while smoothly prying the letter off of Minho.

The importance of the correspondence and the sympathetic way Seunghoon explained things to him made Minho momentarily forgot about the letter. Minho remembered about the letter around 2 weeks after, when it made an appearance on their living room again. That time Seunghoon beat him in getting the letter first and smoothly shifted the topic into the next gala he planned to attend. It was a smart move as Minho keenly discussed about whatever Seunghoon needed for the event. It was when they were in bed, as Minho held the fast asleep Seunghoon after another session for that night, he suddenly remembered about the letter previously. He tried his best to move without causing much distraction to his sleeping lover to no avail as Seunghoon stirred along with his every little move.

Thought of the letters did not emerge to Minho as he was busy preparing his next exhibition. The thing with being pro was that he was not able to fully take his time to materialize his art. There was a deadline for the show and he had to comply with those while maintained his quality and originality at the same time. He loved art but he hated the business passionately. One could argue he enjoyed showbiz because he was a regular party person, but having fun was with people around you was a whole different level than having fun for being under the spotlight. Some of his pieces had to be ready for the gala, as it was going to be a fundraising event to support the exhibition. And if he wanted to succeed to attract patrons, he could not have his art pieces to do it alone. He had to put himself for a show and that was the reason why the prospect of having Seunghoon on his side excited him so much.

Seunghoon promised him he would arrive 30 minutes late, thus unfortunately, Minho could not come together with his lover. But 30 minutes would not be that long and the main event would not even be started yet, so he was perfectly fine with it. He started a bit worry when a good 30 minutes had passed and there were still no sign of Seunghoon. It was already an hour when he tried to reach Seunghoon on the phone endlessly with no avail. At the end of gala Minho had already became restless. He realized he was not behaving well and risked his chance of attracting patrons, but it was the last thing he had in his head as he was fuming. Never during their time had they got together Seunghoon had lied to him blatantly liked that. He was always reasoning his absence and refusal, he even created illusion regarding the letters as if it was nothing ever occurred in Minho timeline, but this one was just a big fat lie.

Minho knew he was drunk. His body felt light and he could not think clearly. All he had in his at them moment was Seunghoon. He did not really remember but he recognized the taste of lips, the friction of skins, and the sound of moaning. All he saw was Seunghoon but he did not recognize those feels as his, he just let his body functioned without giving much thought about it. He barely felt his phone buzzing in his pocket but did not give a damn about it. He barely remembered getting inside car and being driven home. But he remembered his voice when he greeted him at their home.

“Minho I’m sorry! I got stuck on a very important meeting with clients from abroad! I’m very very sorry.”

He saw Seunghoon rushed to him and raised his hands to cupped his face, but Minho held those hands in strong grips before they touched his face. “What the fuck. What do you think are you fucking doing! You’re full of fucking lies. You asked me to trust you but never once you give absolute reason for me to fully trust you.”

“I am not lying. You can call my office and ask the creative director.”

“You and all your sweet talking. I can’t even remember the time you ran out of answers. There’s always answer, there’s always reason, and I have nothing but your sweet talks to trust. Now don’t you fucking dare to tell a lie in front of my face Lee Seunghoon, don’t you fucking dare.”

“You’re drunk, you’re out of your mind, and you’re not thinking clearly now. Get some rest and we talk in the morning.” Seunghoon calmly said while trying to balance himself walking backwards as Minho kept pushing towards him.

“I’m out of my mind, of course I’m out of my mind! Who wouldn’t when the person who live with you for two years, the one you call lover, keep deceiving you and hiding something behind your back and still have no decency to at least flat out refuse you. No, you could simply say no but you decided to make up a false hope for me to hold on. I know you didn’t come because of those letters did you? Why? Because I’m not worth the attention compared to the gentleman send you those fancy invitations?”

Minho snapped at him and kept pushing until Seunghoon’s back hit the wall. His face was dangerously close and Seunghoon could smell his breath reeking of alcohol. “Minho I didn’t come to any invitation. What are you talking about?”

“Again. Another lie coming from those pretty lips. Am I not enough for you? Am I that desperate so you can’t even just flatly ditch me and you feel the needs to make those stories and explanations to keep me at bay? Is my love for you not strong enough? Do you want me to stop hanging around with my friends, you want me to stop coming to parties? Is that what you want?” He cupped Seunghoon face, hands wrapped on his cheeks and down to his jaw line. His thumb grazed Seunghoon’s lower lips, slightly opened it, and his body pressed on him.

“I’m sorry if I give you so much pains Minho. I just don’t want to burden you with unnecessary thoughts.” With a slightly shaking voice Seunghoon answered Minho, trying to calm his drunken-angered-mind. “Minho, Minho please listen to me. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hide anything from you but it’s not your burden to bear. I love you Minho, I don’t want you to suffer.”

Minho answered with gritted teeth. “But I already am. You already give me a lot of pain and I’ve been suffering from this countless burdening thoughts because of you.”

He crashed his lips into Seunghoon, tasting him as much as he could. He already gave so much all he wanted to do at the moment was taking as much as he could from the man he was so passionate about. He tasted the lips, touched the skin, and heard the moan. At the moment, unlike the previous one, he could recognized the feelings only belongs to Seunghoon. He only saw Seunghoon in his head, and all he wanted to do was to have him.

Everything was in blur. Minho did not remember clearly what happened in the previous night. All he remembered in his pounding head was the body writhing under him and the voice moaning his name. With much effort he tried to sit and looked around at his surroundings. He was in his bedroom, their bedroom. The bedside table on his side was tumbled down and the lamp was crashed on the floor. Several figures and decorations fell off and disfigured, garments were scattered all over the place. He vaguely remembered they had a very bad argument the night before as he realized in horror that he was badly drunk when he came home. And upon seeing the disorder state of the room, Minho did not have a strength to imagined what he had done to Seunghoon.

After stumbled effort to get in some decent attire, Minho walked to the kitchen where he found his lover sitting idly. Seunghoon was wearing a loose white sweater with a black boxer. His hair was messy and he looked a bit pale. The worst of all was the angry red marks Minho saw From where he was standing engraving his bare thighs and necks. He shakily walked in and greeted Seunghoon, who looked up the moment Minho stood in the opposite site of the table.

“I...I’m sorry. I was drunk and careless. I…”

“It’s okay.” Seunghoon answered softly without taking his eyes from his mug. “I’ll get you a lemon water for your hangover.”

“Wait, don’t. You don’t have to.” Minho grabbed Seunghoon’s arm before he stood up. He could not bear seeing Seunghoon being so caring to him after all those things he said and done.

“I’m very sorry for all I’ve said and done last night. I’m sorry I hurt you.” His voice was shaking

“It’s fine Minho, I’m fine. It’s not much more than those rough sex we had when we were under works pressure. Don’t worry about this.”

“But I hurt you.”

“Not more than I hurt you I guess. Nobody wants a broken thing anyway.”

Seunghoon muttered the last sentence and Minho was not really sure at what he was hearing. “What…what do you mean?”

“Look, the representative from Italy called early on this morning. I’m not sure but I think it’s about the Venice Bienalle. You have to call him back.” Seunghoon responded quickly, and smoothly, as Minho was eyeing him with doubt in his eyes. He held Minho hand and squeezed it gently. “Look, it’s an important event to your career and it may affect your life afterward. Don’t waste your chance. Just forget last night because we were both on a heat of a moment and both of us was being careless. Just go, we’ll talk again later, okay?”

He coaxed him softly and Minho only could nod at him. Seunghoon was always like that. Cold headed, wise, and reserved. How Minho wished for Seunghoon to open up a little to him someday and lessen the shadow darkening his kind-big-heart.

\-----

He was not there when Minho coming home around midnight, nor were his belongings. Minho frantically looked around for him or any of signs where he might be at the moment. He tried to reach him on the phone, called his office, and even contacted his previous tenant, but they knew nothing about his whereabouts. Minho blindly walked on the familiar route to his workshop and Seunghoon’s boutique, hoping he might come across Seunghoon. But in the end, his search turned out fruitless and he had no leads to where his lover might have been.

His feet brought him into the art gallery near the Museum, the place where he first met Seunghoon and fell in love. Fate must have been laughing at him, because that night coincidentally was the same night when they first saw each other. He laughed bitterly at himself at decided to look around the gallery. The corridor which was used for displaying the art pieces was having none of his works two years ago. Things changed a lot during the two years span. He found, but he lost. And Minho had no exact idea whether he wished for the fateful meeting to be happened or not. He regretted and not regretted at the same times. One thing for sure, he knew that he was not whole the moment he realized the truth Seunghoon was not with him anymore.

Miinho walked passing pillars to pillars and he froze on the seventh pillars, just like two years ago. There he was, looking fondly at his first painting being on display, absorbed in his own world.

“Seunghoon.” He called out his name softly from where he was standing.

Seunghoon turned around to look at Minho.. “Nice to see you Minho-ssi.” He gazed lovingly at Minho and smiled. “This the first place when I first saw you, and you were standing exactly where you are now.”

Minho returned his smile. “I remember. And that night was the exact same night as tonight. Same date, same month, same cold weather, different year.”

“And the same genius-kind-hearted-artist we we have here.” Seunghoon added.

Minho’s smile faltered at this. “Can’t we please make thing right? I’m begging you Seunghoon. I want to fix this.”

“There’s nothing to fix. At least there’s nothing about you. It was all my fault, Minho. I never gave you enough trust and what I perceived as the best way to keep unburdened turned out to hurt you more than I could ever imagine.” He turned to Minho’s painting, ‘Butterfly’s Sleep’. It was an irregular-4-angled-shape with a pair of blurred sketch male and female which could be seen were playing or dancing in a fogged colour. “You know what I see in this? This is a window to the outer world showing a future of people’s fate, but at the same times the fog and the blur silhouette indicating that this maybe just a dream. It’s only a fragment of a dream of the future, the person see from inside the wall. And that was how I see it, from inside the wall. I would never come outside this window and forever being trapped.”

Minho was at loss at his statement. He never knew his past or whatever cruelty which had happened to Seunghoon, but he wished he was courageous enough to ask or searching for it.

“It’s time we put an end to a relationship.” Seunghoon’s voice brought him back to reality, along with a cold realization that he might be no longer seeing him. “We can't live our life at its fullest when we're not being whole and in order to become whole we need to be happy.”

“But I’m not being whole without you.” Minho whispered to him.

“But you’re not completely happy and content with me. How could you become whole when you’re not happy?” Seunghoon asked him back. “Painting and drawing is your very soul. It makes you happy and you need to be happy to be able to produce. I don’t want to be the want destroying your very happiness and don’t you dare to oppose, because you have no idea how would it feel if the things your passionate about was taken from you. Your love for painting and drawing has been present long before I walk in into your life. Don’t sacrifice what you’ve been destined for, for something that may eat you alive.”

Minho could not do anything. He could not respond and moreover, he could not choose. Losing Seunghoon would surely eat him alive, but losing his passion to paint would surely kill him. If he could turn back the time, oh how he wished he could turn back the time, he wished he never approached him. He wished he never took Seunghoon into his life. But Minho knew it was impossible to wish for not falling in love with him, because he just did.

“Don’t do this, don’t make me chose.”

Seunghoon walked from his standing spot, moving closer to him. "There are so many ways to kill a person. I adore you because you're everything I could never be. You're alive, while I'm dead inside." He cupped Minho’s face gently and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. “Goodbye, Minho. Thank you for everything, and I’m sorry.”

\-----

Everything was coming back to its place. Minho’s life surprisingly became normal in a very short time. He went to work, had meetings, attended gala and party, held his exhibition, hanged out with his friends, everything was just so normal. When he was with Seunghoon, they barely had fights, but there always something lingered on the back of his head. Something he pondered about Seunghoon. How he was so caring and warm, yet very distant and reserved. Now that bugging thoughts was gone, he found himself getting his works done in a lesser time. Until he found out, it was that bugging thoughts which made his works richer with expressions and feels.

He looked at his sketch in dissatisfaction. He was in the middle on drawing and there were people drawing in his upcoming works. The background and the theme were all done. It was the people, Minho felt they were too hollow. He felt like he could draw their physiques but when it came to their faces, he could not put their face anatomies accurately let alone their expressions. So they were just a blank face. Even the theme he could not consider as satisfactory. They were too bland, too expressionless, too empty.

Minho decided to take a walk in an unfamiliar area to freshen up his mind. He walked through the river and passed the small bridge into a walking area made from pavements. There were old fashioned lamps in the side of the street and the shops around there were old style building. He liked the atmosphere. It was cozy and comfortable to brainstorming ideas.  
__  
‘No wonder Seunghoon was so calm.’  
  
It was the area where the boutique Seunghoon worked for located, but Seunghoon no longer worked as their in-house designer. The owner said he was working part time from his own place and doing his own thing somewhere. Nobody from the boutique knew where he stayed or maybe none of them were willing to give Minho information about Seunghoon, but Minho found himself exploring that area more nowadays.

He was trying out a fancy looking coffee shop when he saw the familiar symbol. It was a building complex, looked like halls for performing. Minho was so engraved on works and clubs he did not pay attention to his surroundings. He visited the place which turned out to be opera hall. He explored the complex and found himself entering a hall where he heard the music being played. There were dancers on stage, and there were several people on the front audience seat looking at the dancers with scrutinize looks on their face. Minho knew about music a little, as it was his side hobby, but he barely understood dancing. Dance performance he had been exposed with was only hip hop dance, as he frequented to clubs. The dance he was watching at the moment was ballet dancing, which was the first time for him. The people at the front seats occasionally shouted critiques and instructions and he could see various expressions, from satisfaction to frustration, in the dancers face.

“I don’t remember ever seeing you around here.”

Soft feminine voice greeted him, and Minho swore he almost got a heart attack. The woman was lean, tall, and basically a female version of Seunghoon. He did not realize he was gaping at her until she spoke again.

“It’s Lee Chaerin. Nice to meet you, Minho-ssi.”

The woman, Chaerin, offered her hand to him and Minho shook her hand dumbfounded. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Seunghoon told me so much about you. Your works were all wonderful and you were great in person too. No wonder my little brother is head over heels about you.” She smiled at him and Minho felt as if his eyes playing trick to him because they were looking the same. “You look so surprise. Oh, don’t tell me Seunghoon never say a word about me. That little spunk.”

“Well, we were both very busy and actually had very little time for decent conversation. And I did not take care of him very well either.” Minho shamefully confessed. “Are you working here by the way?”

“Yes. I’m the costume director.”

“Oh, just like your brother.”

She laughed at this. “No. It was him who took after me.”

“Ah, sure, you’re the elder.”

Chaerin eyed him carefully. “No, it's because he was originally not a designer. Design was his hobby, but in the end he makes money from it because he has no other choice.”

“What do you mean he has no other choice?”

“Why should I tell you, Minho-ssi. You two are not together anymore. What’s the point of knowing it now?” She challenged him.

Minho was taken aback. She was right a some point, now that they were not together there was no point in understand that knowledge. But Minho could not, and he would not, leave the little thoughts he had on the back on his head. The thoughts that was consisted of his memory about Seunghoon. “I want to know because he was a part of me, and he is still a part of me. I am functioned mechanically but never I feel again as much as I was with him.”

Chaerin looked at him for moment before decided to turn around. “Come with me. There are a lot of things to tell. We better have a cup of coffee for companion.” She suddenly said, which made Minho suddenly jumped from his seat and excitedly followed her.

And so she told him story. About a kid who was so passionate about dancing. He attended a dancing class and stunned teachers with his raw talents and imaginations. He told his parents he decided to involved in dancing ever since young age and begged to be submitted in a dance school. He learned classical and contemporary dance, as well as sharpened his skill in creating dance because he always had such a wild imagination. His long journey brought him to ballet company, they invite him for audition and he made it in one round. He spent most of his life practicing and rehearsing, and ballet –despite its gracefulness and beauty– was actually made of sweats, pains, struggles, and sometimes tears. But that kid still made it, because he was sincere and passionate about it. He loved it with all his heart. His efforts, doubled with passion and commitment, brought him to the highest rank a ballet dancer could achieve, a principal dancer. It was the last assessment for the principal dancer audition, and it was the last assessment Lee Seunghoon had ever attended.

“What happened?” Minho asked curiously.

Chaerin looked deep in thought, before she finally answered. “There was an accident. His quadriceps muscle shoved his kneecap out of place and he had to have a surgery to implant a metal bolt in the head of his femur. In other words, he can never dance again for the rest of his life.”

Minho listened at Seunghoon’s story in devastation. He finally understood why Seunghoon was very supportive about his painting and trying as much as he could to create a condition that would support him working. He cared a lot about his feelings, his happiness, because he knew how it felt to be stripped down from the one that was part of his life. He decided to keep quiet, he decided to leave, because he did not want Minho to feel sadness and pressure more than what he had faced at the moment.  
__  
“Just because I never keep up with your lifestyle doesn't mean I don't have your best interest at heart."  
  
Minho left the opera hall with a troubled mind. How he wanted to hug him and told him everything was going to be okay, unless that it was not. He could say all those sweet comforting words but it would not change the fact he would never able to dance. It was like a painkiller, which masked the throbbing pain into dull ache, but never would it be able to heal it. It was a permanent scar that still continued to bleed as the times went by. Minho was deep in his thought for days, before he decided to contacted Chaerin and asked a favor. If it was not for everything Seunghoon and him had together, then at least it could become his atonement for the 2 years he had wasted Seunghoon.

\------

His intercom beeped impatiently before he finally managed to reach the door. He just opened it without bothered to ask for the visitor and was greeted with the most pleasant yet haunting figure in front of him.

“It’s only two months, but I feel like I haven’t seen you in years.” Minho greeted him with his charming smile. “Can I come in by the way?”

Seunghoon only nodded dumbly at him. Not that he expected himself to be invisible, but with Minho busy schedules and deadlines he did not really expect Minho to find him this fast. Seunghoon invited Minho to the living room and served him with a cup of tea. Minho looked handsome as ever. His black hair slicked back and he wore a black shirt with the top two buttons left opened. His coat was in his arms ehen he presented Seunghoon with present and smile warmly at him.

“I know it’s a bit sudden, but I want to give you this.”

Seunghoon accepted his gift and looked at Minho with questioning gaze. Minho nodded at him and he decided to open it. It was a painting. A couple of silhouettes dancing under the rain, blurred by the raindrops but their stances and expressions clear. Joyful, content, and longing. There was also a curious expressions in their gazes. And far away behind them, there was a clean-rectangular-shaped under the rainbow with a pair or diamond-like-stars shining from the inside.

“It was them looking from outside the windows. They were curious about what had been inside that window, and they found it was a stars shining bright on the inside. So bright that it reached them who were faraway from the castle in the sky.” Minho explained to him.

Seunghoon bit his lips looking at the painting. He did not know what to say to Minho. “Thank you Minho. It means a lot.” He was quiet for awhile. “You were always mean a lot.” He added quietly.

Minho smiled at him and held Seunghoon’s hand to his lap. "I also come to give you this." He pulled out a letter from his coat. The exact same letters that made them got into heated arguments and mistrusts.

Seunghoon accepted the envelope warily. "How did you find out?"

"By chance. No one in the boutique were willing to told. So I explored the area near your workplace, found out the same logo with your letters on a building complex, watched some dance assessments, and met your lovely sister you had never told. She was a bit upset you know."

Surprised expression adorned Seunghoon's face at Minho's revelation. "You met Chaerin-unnie? Did she tell you everything?"

"Yes."

"So she asked you to give this to me."

"No."

"Huh?"

"This is...this is different. It's not an audition or assessment or rehearsal. It's a practice routine."

Seunghoon was a bit confused at this. "Practice routine? But the company don't usually invite people for a routine."

"No, it's a bit different. It's more like a private performance. And I really really hope you will come."

Seunghoon tried to calm his pounding heart. "You have talked with my sister, so I assume you already know. I can not come, I'm sorry but I really can't."

Minho held both his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I know. I know it was hurt and it hurts you very much until now. I know that the letters was actually an invitation from the company because they acknowledge your choreograph skill, but you can't bring yourself being in the place that keep the remains of your soul. But this one," Minho took a deep breath to brace himself, "this one is my atonement."

"What are you talking about Minho?" Seunghoon whispered to the younger man.

"Just come, please just come. I'm begging to come. Just this one, and I will set you free if you want to severe your tie with me. It's the least I could do before I keep hurting you any further." Minho pleaded to him.

"It was never you fault. It was all about me. Don't blame yourself for everything have happened." His vision got cloudy as tears glazed Seunghoon's eyes. He closed his eyes, blinking away his tears before they fall from his eyes. It's been a while since he felt tears on his eyes.

Minho kissed his hands tenderly one more time before retreating. "I have to leave now. Once again I'm sorry, and I hope you can come." Seunghoon walked him to the door and bid him goodbye, when Minho turned around and whispered to him. "I love you."

Seunghoon held the letter over his thumping heart. He decided to come for Minho, not for himself. He trembled slightly when his feet brought him moving towards the complex entrance. Once he had set his feet on the opera hall, he felt cold and nauseated. He wanted to turned around and ran away from that building, leaving away his nightmares, but he had promised himself he would come for Minho because he saw Minho's name written in the card as performance director and song composer. He came to honor his Minho, not to gave in to his fear.

Minho was seated on the fifth row. Seunghoon advanced towards him and sat on the chair beside him. Minho looked both surprised and overjoyed, and upon seeing his delighted expression, Seunghoon felt guilt wash over him. He lied to Minho, made countless excuses and deceived him. He did not not want to burden Minho with his own sorrow, but in the end, it was his darkened heart that caused a damage to his loved one. He did not particularly hate party, but after being some time in the industry, Seunghoon knew several people he was sure would be present in social gatherings. He opted to never coming because he knew there would be people pitied him, there would be whispers about his misfortune, and there would also be eyes mocked him. Above all, he could not bear to have his already bleeding scar to be ripped open with the cold hard fact that there were few people feeling pleased with his accident. And he knew for a fact that those few people were in the same circle in the gatherings Minho always got invited.

"So, what do you have in store for me?" He asked Minho after seated himself beside him.

Minho smiled nervously at him. "Just watch. It's nothing compared to the other dance routines which was created and practiced here."

"You created a dance routine?" Seunghoon asked in awed.

Minho gulped inwardly. "Yes, I asked your sister for help and I was accompanied by company's choreographer and musicians. I knew about a little about music but dance is a whole different area for me. This is embarrassing though, I tried to create a dance move for a gifted dancer choreographer." He added apologetically.

"Ex-dancer." Seunghoon grimly corrected him. "And the fact that you were never exposed to classical dance and being able to create a routine only shows how talented Song Minho is."

"It's mainly the crew work, I only offer my idea no more." He quiet for a moment before continued. "And please don't be feeling so down about yourself. You were reduced from your dynamics but never it made you losing your gift. You can bring those moves to life through another body and still embraced your passion for dancing. You don't have to completely tear it apart from your life."

What Minho had said was not the first time it being said to Seunghoon. Many people had told him that but Seunghoon had his own reason. Excuses people might have said, but Seunghoon was just simply feeling heartbroken and shattered. People did not quite understand that by creating routine, he would have to see people living the dream he once had and that alone was a cold reminder of his inability. For once he wanted someone to listen, someone to understand, someone who would not tell him that everything was fine but instead told him that he was a broken thing who could not do what he was best at.

"You know what, people often said that to me, told me that I should not give in to hardship and to become more positive. But do you know the feeling of a child being lured with sweets or toys, while in reality he was forbade to eat those. Or when an orphan kid see another children come to school with their parents. That is exactly how I feel. I don't like being presented with things I can never have." He truthfully told Minho, who was gazing at him with sadness in his eyes. "And this why I don't want you to have any knowledge of this. It's me losing my fight, I don't want you too to bleed because of it. It's not yours to endure." Seunghoon placed his palm on Minho cheek.

The light suddenly turned dim and sound of music being tuned in started filling the hall. Both Minho and Seunghoon shifted their attention towards the stage. Intro music started to play and a couple of dancer entered the stage and started their routine as the song started. It was man and woman. The woman looked as if she was suffered and it weakened her and rendered her mobility difficult. The man stayed behind her and supported her move, and as the man started to sprung with fire, his energy brought her to sprung free with him and supported her life. And as it became difficult, the man would still stand at her base to fled her life up and catched her before she fell. In the end, with her very last bone trying to grasp into life, the man still stayed behind her to support her with his very own self.

The song ended, and they kept walking three steps forward, together as the man support the woman. Seunghoon could barely hear and see. He was overwhelmed with feelings. The last time he felt feelings was when he awoke with bandages all over his left leg. It was hurt and it scared him so much. The moment doctor told him he could no longer dancing he could not feel anything. He was numbed, and the numbness lingered on his heart afterwards, rendered him to became cold. He never gave in so much to people until he met Minho and he never had felt so much before until he fell for Minho.

Trembling fingers raised to touch his face. Seunghoon looked down at his hand to see his fingertip was wet with tears. He did not even realize crying. His breath raged and he felt as if his chest was going to burst. Suddenly he felt the hand on his shoulder embracing him into a hug, and he heard someone calling his name, whispering comfort. His senses slowly came back and he realized he was in Minho's brace while Minho tried to soothe him with kisses and words.

"Sssh, it's okay. It's okay. You are fine. I am here." He ran a hand on Seunghoon head massaging his scalp. "Let's go home. I'm going to take you home."

They walked in each other's embrace, stumbled along their way home. People looked at them strangely but they did not give any thought about it. Minho only thought about Seunghoon in his arm and Seunghoon only clung to Minho for his life. They arrived at Minho flat, the place they once called their home. They barely managed to the bed room, when Seunghoon finally laid on their bed and cried his heart out. He cried for all his pains, struggles, and fears. He cried for Minho, the man he had wasted as he did not love him enough. He cried for the little child in him and his shattered dreams.

"I'm sorry I couldn't heal your broken heart." Minho whispered at his neck as he hugged him from behind and caressed his arm. Theu stayed like that for a while.

Seunghoon bit back a sob and rolled over to face Minho. He too was crying. "Don't. Please don't cry for me." He choked back a sob and hugged Minho.

"It's for us. I cried for us. You taught me the essence of art. You lead me to a happiness. You lift me up and shower me with caress, and it's actually me who can't repay your kindness."

"But I don't want a repayment. It's just an act of responsibility to serve other with same level of deed to make ones to be seen decent by society."

They both laughed teary laughs at this.

Minho placed his hand in Seunghoon's forehead, his thumb caressed Seunghoon's. "I cannot heal or fix you neither I am a perfect person. I try to give you everything, and I'm still willing to try, to give everything to have you happy. You said we have to be happy to function well, and I want you to function well. I want your heart to function well."

Seunghoon rose and stood beside the bed. His arm extended, offering for Minho to take it. And so he did. "Dance with me." He whispered to Minho.

Minho wrapped his arm around his waist and Seunghoon encircled Minho's shoulder. They swayed slightly while resting their forehead on each other's, eyes closed, slowly listened to their gentle breathing and a faint feels of their heartbeats.

"I love you." Minho said those words again.

Seunghoon opened his eyes and Minho did as well. "It was me," he stated, "who refused to open up to you, refused to trust you, refused to let you to give me happiness. I want to be happy and you gave me much more than happiness. I'm withered, but you bring me life."

Minho smiled at him before planted a gentle kiss on his lips. "Let me be the fire. You've been care for me and protecting me from being unhappy, now let me be the source of life for you."

They stayed at each other's embrace, dancing to the sound of their heartbeats. They were artists who brought feelings into life and turned sorrow into a beautiful forms so people could be moved, people could keep their happines instead of drowned in sorrow. And they too, like those people, needed something or someone to take care their heart and to keep their happiness so they could function well and delivered their form of thoughts to move people's heart.

_Feel me now_  
_Hold me please_  
_I need you to see who I am_  
_Open up to me_  
_Stop hiding from me_  
_It's hurting babe_ br /> _Only you can stop the pain_

_Don't leave me out in the cold_  
_Don't leave me out to die_  
_I gave you everything_  
_I can't give you anymore_  
_Now I've become just like you_

_My lips feel warm to the touch_  
_My words seem so alive_  
_My skin is warm to caress_  
_I'll control and hypnotise_  



End file.
